Akshar @aksharpathak

Latest Tweets of Akshar @aksharpathak


About half an hour back, I made a WhatsApp group with Shakti and Pranav. Shit worked out just great. πŸ‘ https://t.co/9n8H763wTA


Me: "Have you watched this movie, it's pretty good" Girl: "I didn't like it" Me: "Ekdam bakwaas hai maine toh laptop hi tod diya tha dekh ke"


Harrdy Sandhu: "Doctor, can you help me with lyrics?" Doctor: "What? I'm no songwriter, I have an MBBS deg–" Harrdy Sandhu: *puts a gun on the table* [2 weeks later] "Main tera baladd goriye, tu backbone jatt di"


I'm not very helpful around the office, but at least I'm not even intelligent. https://t.co/vE9PVdPiks


Imagine your life is perfect. Fake it until you make it. This way, you too can be a textbook example of living in denial, just like me. #motivation #quote https://t.co/96mzT5P0qz


[Year 2025] Cops spot Vijay Mallya at a distance, smoking a cigar. One cop proceeds to arrest him. The other holds him back, "chhod na, kya fayeda". Mallya smirks. Blows letters with smoke that spell out πŸ’¨ B A I L πŸ’¨


Started reading Hrithik's post. Starts off with "I choose to be on a path of creativity, productivity and constructive work." Then I remembered Mohenjo Daro. And how I paid money to watch it. Now I can't read the rest of his post, because the tears are making my vision blurry.


[playing cards] Friend: β€œI call bluff” *me picking up the 17 queens I threw* "Kaise pata chala?"


Year 2029 news bulletin - Permanent human colony on Mars established - There's only self-driving cars on the roads - Scientists discover a cure for HIV/AIDS - Kangana hits back at Hrithik Roshan after his latest statement


Batman: "I'm vengeance. I'm the night. I am Batman." *throws smoke bomb* Dilli police: "Oyeeee idhar aa hero, kahan se mila yeh bomb tereko be pata hai kitna pollution hai Delhi-NCR me"


Supreme court should also ban the sale of Gudang Garam cigarettes in Delhi. A friend of mine lit one back in 2011, and he's only finished smoking half of it till now. You'll say I'm exaggerating, but I'm actually not.


I LOVE how my Apple Watch gives me that extra bit of motivation to work out πŸ™ŒπŸ» https://t.co/if5fDrdpAw


With firecrackers banned in Delhi, HOW is my neighbour Mr. Aggarwal going to tell the whole neighbourhood that he makes more money than the rest of us? TELL ME? I'm just going to wait outside his house till this drives him nuts, and he starts throwing money off his balcony.


Friend: "Yooo check out this EDM track" Me: "Dude, this song brings back so many memories" Friend: "Like what?" Me: "Last month mere ghar carpenter aaya tha"


Dad: "Lights off karo, electricity bill pata hai kitna aata hai" Me: "Papa, it's Diwali season" Dad: "Okay, Happy Diwali!" Me: "To you too" Dad: "Ab lights off karo, electricity bill pata hai kitna aata hai"


Guess who just bought the new iPhone X. So worth the money βœŒπŸ»πŸ˜… I'm holding it like that because it's so expensive and I don't want it to fall and break or anything. https://t.co/b88WCRlvXE


Folks! Your favourite blogger has quit blogging and joined the HR team. https://t.co/tjP3RnzwKv


*applies a promo code* *gets 6 rupees cashback* Me: "Yeh kya hai" App: https://t.co/OaaqfdHOCJ


The best kind of Diwali guests https://t.co/msxlcdPHTv


Brave Blogger Takes a Stand, Tries Keeping Old Diwali Traditions Alive https://t.co/qv4gR2Vp0m


Me, five days ago: "OH YASS SUPER LONG WEEKEND time to relax, rejuvenate mind body spirit, refresh energy complete 100% lovecharger lovecharger lovecharger lovechargeaaaaar" Me, Monday morning: "How am I even more tired than I was earlier"


Year 2035 Golmaal 9: Once More Again Golmaal Ajay Devgn does a split on two self-driving cars. Tusshar Kapoor has legally changed his name to Aa Aa Aayayo Oou. People can't tell the difference between Shreyas Khemu and Kunal Talpade anymore. A Rohit Shetty film. Coming soon.


Me: "Man, it's started getting cold outside." Genius co-worker comes up with the an extremely witty and badass reply demonstrating creativity of the highest order: "Yeah bro..." *long pause* "Winter is coming"


On Mother's Day people post selfies with their moms. On Father's Day people post selfies with their dads. If 8th November is Anti-Black Money Day, naturally people will post selfies with their black money. And those idiots be caught. What a genius move by the government. RESPECT.


Blogger reveals how he can afford every single Apple product in existence https://t.co/e8Zyjpj1a3

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