steph curry is invited to my house, if he promises to take off his ugly under armour shoes in the house!
looking for a no strings attached weekend in vegas? i will be at the mirage. https://t.co/n32gT9c4kK
charity show in santa barbara. help me help the world!!! https://t.co/DaG5pEuqU3
get ready, twitter. been hearing rumblings that belichick is going to take a knee during the anthem this sunday!
can you imagine how happy the people of portland would be if ‘rocket man’ blew up seattle?
if you’re tired of watching #tosh reruns, good news! fall premiere tonight at 10! that means one new rerun!
spoiler alert: #doinks #atv #parmesan #disabled #eatdatpussy and #twiiiiins. see if you can guess the jokes for tonight’s #tosh premiere!
premiere #tosh tonight! cleanse your holes (yes, all 10) in preparation.
can’t live tweet #tosh tonight, my ballerina wife got into a spat with her bestie and now i’m stuck listening to a four hour story.
#tosh premiere in 30 minutes! 29.97 minutes if you're higher in elevation thanks to time dilation! #physics
santa barbara nov 4!! presale starts at 10am with password 'tosh'. all proceeds go to charity!! https://t.co/DaG5pEuqU3
you shut it, nerds!!! https://t.co/2mNcivd837
i'm a hero sure, but it's up to real people now! https://t.co/Co6bQoO5Nb
sorry, but keeping children safe was more important. https://t.co/R6vzh6HaMw
i'd love to keep catching up with you guys on twitter but my ballerina wife has her 1 year high school reunion tonight. sorry! #tosh
hold a plank position for the next 30 minutes so even if you don’t love the new sode, you will look ripped! #tosh starts now!!! #abs
small victory for me, huge victory for children everywhere! #nochomo https://t.co/vFXffKiKbX
happy birthday tom cruise! enjoy the marathon on cc!! #toshblessamerica
my waking thought this morning was that i am so excited to meet dean’s dad! #hometowns
favorite hymn? mine is “jesus i am resting, resting”
i got a great gun bit on tonight’s #tosh so please do me a favor and no tragedies before 10/9c!
just came up with a solution for our prison overcrowding problem - a standing-only section. spread it. #tosh in 47 minutes!
no live tweeting #tosh tonight. my ballerina wife forgot to lock up her bike, now we’re going to the police station to file a report.
take a break from calling your senator and watch new #tosh tonight!
heaven just got a little wetter. enjoy poppin’ that angel pussy, fresh kid ice! #RestInPussy #2livecrew