a lot of you have been wondering when i was going to finally star in a movie. well the answer is this christmas! thank you, hallmark! https://t.co/6Q3VwtQiz0
how can ucf be overrated because they haven’t played any real competition, yet every major school is firing their head coach to get ours? which is it?! #topfour #ucf #tosh
as a mixed-race cis male who grew up in the 90’s with 4 lovely strong imaginary daughters, it would mean the world to me if you watched the season finale of #tosh tonight!
so proud of my mom for walking in the victoria’s secret fashion show last night! who says an old woman with droopy tits can’t be a supermodel?!! #dreambig
cooking my first bird this year. she’s 86 pounds. frozen solid. won’t fit in the oven. any tips @butterball?
can’t live tweet the #tosh season finale tonight. my ballerina wife and i only have one day left on our disney socal resident 3-day pass that expires today. how many times can one mouse buttfuck a man?
tonight's #tosh season finale took me over four days to put together, and it is a true labor of love. you have 40 minutes to prepare.
my apologies. i will try to keep my trash to myself. https://t.co/zb8KcwMwOg
my guess is very little https://t.co/WCB1y2ZFcn
"to be the worst you have to beat the worst" ric flair's brother https://t.co/gSlcLn48WM
2020, maybe https://t.co/ibGNn6fc4E
dick sandwich but yes https://t.co/EXpI8xhpTS
not as sad as coach having to live in nebraska. will you be sad if he does come and your team still sucks? https://t.co/MkkNCIybkG
you are now famous. enjoy all the free stuff https://t.co/a614P3JhJn
bread? that is dumb https://t.co/ZLdrFw9evs
no idea. i go twice a year, 5 syringes worth of poison. https://t.co/uCyRosNBsX
very important to me https://t.co/ev9JZJxwpZ
gotta work. #tosh
can’t live tweet #tosh promised i’d teach my ballerina wife how to drive stick & we just found an empty parking lot. say adios to my clutch!
i am contractually obligated to inform you that there is a new #tosh tonight at 10.
thinking of changing the name of the show. will be taking live calls for suggestions in 15 minutes on tonight’s all new #tosh!!