I hope when Trump said “This is the calm before the storm,” he was referring to the burrito he had for lunch.
Having a great time at New York Comic-Con! If you see a guy dressed as Deadpool, that’s me! Run up and hug me!
Tonight I'm joined by a very special guest! https://t.co/dfXxnaekNh
I don’t know how Trump would do with an IQ test, but I'm pretty sure how he'd do with the Marshmallow Test.
The Ivana vs Melania feud is a fun distraction from the feud of Trump vs NFL/Jemele Hill/Tillerson/Bob Corker/Kim Jong Un/Reality.
How about we drop the whole “boy” and “girl” scouts thing and call them what they are: Kids with knives who know how to set fires. https://t.co/LKwitrwRW2
I don’t know about you, but after this week, I’m ready. https://t.co/FKpMZL0zpr
Duh. Have been since November. https://t.co/hGYECZOfoS
Glad to be back with new shows this week. Last weeks re-runs were fun but it got exhausting re-enacting old episodes word-for-word.
If Bill O'Reilly can blame God for his problems, can the rest of us blame God for Bill O’Reilly?
Hey! Like films not based on superheroes? Check out the Nov 2017 schedule @MontclairFilm’s #Cinema505 See ya there! https://t.co/7BFKMEP5aQ
Now, the former president is good-naturedly requesting that you "back that thang up." https://t.co/BvHPeag6Ag
“I urge my colleagues to stand up and be more forceful. Anyway...SEE YA, SUCKERS!" https://t.co/k3n89FDBuw
We take you now live to the Oval Office: https://t.co/mqHoLQCnLm
LOCK 👏 HIM 👏 UP! ALSO 👏 HIM! PLUS 👏 THIS 👏 OTHER 👏 GUY 👏 I 👏 HADN’T 👏 HEARD 👏 OF 👏 UNTIL 👏 TODAY! https://t.co/0Bjf7hGu6z
Stewart/Colbert/Oliver/Rock/CK/Sandler/Stiller/Mulaney/Kemper/Minhaj/Jacobson/Klepper/Munn/Courddrymore2come #autism https://t.co/1WYPI2jIUT
If I wasn’t one of the prizes, I would bid immediately! Do it for the troops! https://t.co/mrpK1e04pP
To be fair, she did attend his wedding. https://t.co/kpt2wMYq8V
Sunday is the end of Daylight Saving, so remember to turn your clocks back one hour, then go back to yoking your oxen!
Mom is the first audience and the best. Remembering Jimmy Fallon and his family in our prayers today.
Dear Twitter, If there's one thing we could ask for from 2017, it wouldn't be "more Twitter." Thanks, Stephen
We all have 280 characters? Well, as Shakespeare wrote, “Brevity is the soul of wit. The soul of wit is what brevity is. Brevity? Soul of wit? They're the same thing. Like if you had brevity in one hand and the soul of wit in the other, you’d be hard pressed to tell them apart.”
Words we’ve learned in the 365 days since Trump was elected: Emoluments Scaramucci Local Milk People Covfefe Ragnarok (admittedly, not Trump-related, but that movie ruled)
While we're at it, can we also replace all our Confederate statues with Christopher Plummer?