Swamy @slimswamy

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Joi > Siri

Blade Runner 1984 and Blade Runner 2002 should be epic. So many replicants retired!

High Spirits is a blot on Indian culture. It was built by traitors. Christian missionaries converted "Hey Sati" to "High Spirits".

It is Dhanteras today. Go ahead buy some precious metal \m/ https://t.co/cnbfm4cIVa

Yesterday I destroyed the environment by lighting two phuljhadis. I also disrespected Hinduism by lighting ONLY two phuljhadis. FU both.

Be someone's Chintan Parekh.

KBC in 2000 was depressing because I did not know answers to questions. KBC in 2017 is depressing because OMFG kitna tragic story hai uska!

Stand up comedians are most patriotic because they are stand up even when #NationalAnthem is not being played.

Where Tina Guo covers the Super Mario theme on cello and goes metal as Mario goes underground. https://t.co/fNSrEooHdF

We should trend #IfSardarPatelWasPM and list all the awesome things which would have happened in India.

I don't know much about Padmavati but if they show Ranveer and Deepika in one frame AAG LAGA DOONGA BC

I'm okay with the anger around Padmavati. I have sort of worshipped Hanuman, Gandhi, Batman, Sachin, The Rock at some point or other. I will probably be unhappy if a film portrays them in an unflattering manner. But I would not be angry enough to go around burning effigies.

*Desi TV serial audition* Actor 1 - Main acting seekha hoon. Director: Hurrrr! Actor 2 - Mera daadhi Manyavar model type hai pura Virat Kohli. Director: Hired!

Congratulations to "Hardik Patel" on becoming the first male name to be used as search text for a sex tape video.

Wanna feel old? Remember Batman? This is what he looks like now. https://t.co/KDmknfnotC

Top three reasons for losing one's nose: 1) Flirt with Shri Ram and his brother. 2) Make multiple Horcruxes and lose your humanity. 3) Act in Padmavati.

Among all applications of Artificial Intelligence, the most magical is the way Harpic forecasts the time at which people have lunch, and then shows its advertisement with a dirty loo, right when you start eating.

Gotta respect Rajput Queens for maintaining figure without dancing, manual labour, gym, keto-diet etc.

Justice League ko Moody's ke paas bhej do, rating upgrade ho jayegi.

Dear cricket fans, is it too late to announce bounty of 5 crore to kill Aamir Khan for showing 6-ball overs in Lagaan? #Padmavati

Did Moody's make Baa: Origins before Baa2? https://t.co/3uLWrglPg3

I am the kind of guy who does not RT when he sees your "RT when you see it" tweet

Thankfully the protagonist's name in Tumhari Sulu is सुलेचना. If it was आलोचना, the movie would have been called Tumhari Aalu.

This week Vidya Balan, next week Kapil Sharma. November's film releases can be summarized as "Tumhari Thullu".

Shilpa Shetty tries a new taxi app. Writes review - Aap ka yeh app Uberrrrr se bhi bahut bahut bahut uparrrr tha!

Please provide executive summary of Cat Person. Don't have time for short stories.

Tiger Zinda Hai. *watches Katrina kick ass while Tera Noor plays in background* Tiger Aroused Hai.

Aaj jo bhi Rajini joke maarega main usko racist North Indian bolega.

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