What The Onion Tweeted On Twitter?

The Onion Latest Tweets On Twitter

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Trump Pours Himself Glass Of Chocolate Syrup On Rocks To Unwind After Stressful Day https://t.co/zfPl4GLhci https://t.co/DFX8vP4IzP

The Onion top tweets

Ted Cruz Attempts To Connect With Voters By Wearing More Handsome Man’s Face As Mask https://t.co/QmNh8xmmui https://t.co/jO1CmhWLpH

The Onion top tweets

Chuck E. Cheese's Announces New Lower Prices, But The Restaurants Will Be Dirtier https://t.co/VEYah6miEX https://t.co/zjOAergm2K

The Onion top tweets

To see more unmatched reporting, visit https://t.co/csf5QUbhed. https://t.co/lZVhjopPEj

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Unemployed Man Vows To Wake Up Early, Finish Watching Movie https://t.co/N14h5I72GX https://t.co/yQ1AfPYc8N

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Blood-Spattered Sarah Huckabee Sanders Holds Up Huge Dismembered Penis To Prove Presidential Member Completely Normal https://t.co/I4KQfFntUz #NSFW https://t.co/pvBYrkFKUb

The Onion top tweets

Family At Restaurant Reminds Grandma What Food She Likes https://t.co/Im8SWH0FJS https://t.co/QwtOaXjBHJ

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Marc Benioff Buys Time Magazine For $190 Billion https://t.co/ci9GGyPEck #WhatDoYouThink? https://t.co/KHjbwJEePm

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"All my powers, all my abilities, yet I’m halted in my tracks by a hedge half my size." https://t.co/DERZAatnF5

Scientist Close To Developing Life-Saving Vaccine That They Can Rub In Faces Of Their Doubters https://t.co/Mej9sd8iid https://t.co/OpmtfwFYA8

The Onion top tweets

Your Horoscopes — Week Of September 18, 2018 https://t.co/cCYtPk71cj https://t.co/GgoXNQFrZG

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Video Game Character Stares Impotently At Forbidden Realm Beyond Impassable Waist-High Bush https://t.co/H2MFwUywa0 https://t.co/X2Gb9h5yki

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Emotional Le’Veon Bell Reveals Holdout A Result Of Forgetting How To Run https://t.co/Q0ifx3ODpV https://t.co/M3yTtPje6I

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Washed-Up Toddler Can’t Point Out Things Like He Used To https://t.co/aBzIk5Vr1i https://t.co/vMcn61xkYD

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Swaggering Down 87% https://t.co/qdpbO3In3S https://t.co/UnUxBbyLQq

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"We’d obviously admired each other’s work from afar, but once we got to talking, we found out we actually had a ton in common and have pretty similar sensibilities." https://t.co/WE0MWyTIK5

Nation Unable To Discern Why Unattractive Woman On Screen https://t.co/JqhoahPQf2 https://t.co/LCG5QsQGVU

The Onion top tweets

Supposed ‘Game Of Thrones’ Buff Hasn’t Even Finished Books Yet https://t.co/DD5NrnZXqk https://t.co/rvfNsGOEFy

The Onion top tweets

For more exemplary journalism, visit https://t.co/csf5QUbhed. https://t.co/uXmfnF1th8

The Onion top tweets

The Onion’s 2018 Emmy Predictions https://t.co/8RfX6nNIiP https://t.co/igB1n4KKZI

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Man Not Accepting Any More Television Recommendations At This Time https://t.co/w6VRTDrwq1 https://t.co/c9D9suDGZ9

The Onion top tweets

National News Highlights https://t.co/flyCqZdg9x


‘This Is The Golden Age Of Television,’ Claim Executives Who Have Not Yet Made Show About Robotic Wizards https://t.co/xjLImAPqp7 https://t.co/0kN9gYg6hX

The Onion top tweets

Luke, Owen Wilson Recall Meeting On Set Of ‘The Royal Tenenbaums’ https://t.co/We0Ay714At https://t.co/CiZXz2iOgN

The Onion top tweets

Cash-Strapped Zuckerberg Forced To Sell 11 Million Facebook Users https://t.co/JkXMf0gasr https://t.co/e4M4ef2cgO

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Koch Brothers Furious Kavanaugh Never Disclosed That Nation Might Care About Sexual Abuse https://t.co/OYMj3SUonb https://t.co/2sMjKwLqPL

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Senate Republicans Seek To Delay Kavanaugh Vote Until Accuser Properly Smeared https://t.co/TjrBm2RLE7 https://t.co/D62cfL1wat

The Onion top tweets

White House Raises Official Hurricane Florence Death Toll To -17 https://t.co/9Vk4QH2Mfa https://t.co/Ec7Ttu821S

The Onion top tweets

Right Side Of Fish Tank Where All The Action At https://t.co/rRprc6fW46 https://t.co/eU75oKTbPB

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Department Of Transportation Allocates $400 Million For National Shortcut https://t.co/wyFxFc4T9f https://t.co/yWdzQ58Qre

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Report: Americans Most Physically Active When Getting Comfy https://t.co/nY9xx4zTbd https://t.co/swonUi3dZU

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45-Year-Old Man Self-Conscious, Embarrassed By New, Unexpected Changes His Body Going Through https://t.co/HFLrPbeFVf https://t.co/sJXUqIsDPP

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Apple Announces New Trade-In Offer For Customers To Exchange Their Old iPhones For Absolutely Nothing https://t.co/EQ3QeBo01K https://t.co/kDaXH7sVDU

The Onion top tweets

Shitty Graffiti Artist Captures 19-Year-Old Girl's Heart https://t.co/Gg3cZnsB8B https://t.co/52MhtpI5ye

The Onion top tweets

Study: 0% Of People Die From Getting Fingers Lodged In Bowling Ball And Being Dragged Down Lane https://t.co/FD4e9mZ0pA https://t.co/k9E54924pi

The Onion top tweets

Freeloading Refugee Children Taking Up Thousands Of Prison Cells Meant For Real Americans https://t.co/b0CGazJOzp https://t.co/gONpvZe8Fg

The Onion top tweets

Masochist Dog Enjoys Being Walked Around On Leash While Naked https://t.co/6DObWxigud https://t.co/NQZDRgoGVw

The Onion top tweets

This Weekend's Onion Magazine: https://t.co/KLCu2b5CbP https://t.co/o8lZ75HFtf

The Onion top tweets

Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years https://t.co/VvjUkZ180M https://t.co/Kw6jLEKAFQ

The Onion top tweets

Pope Starting To Suspect Bishops Getting Huge Erections During Meeting On Child Sexual Abuse Might Be Pedophiles https://t.co/5HckwmpdKo https://t.co/8p542OZG0S

The Onion top tweets

Trump Unfairly Claims Credit For Rise In Economic Inequality That Occurred Under Obama’s Watch https://t.co/ryIFPcx8T3 https://t.co/3Z00JLmSGK

The Onion top tweets

BREAKING: Drunk Teen Going 100 MPH Down Slick Highway Is Invincible https://t.co/1q3moL17mh https://t.co/WiZvFeVC69

The Onion top tweets

Trump Boys Leave $5 Bill, Candy Bar Under Propped-Up Laundry Basket In Effort To Catch Op-Ed Writer https://t.co/83ApFeLxNX https://t.co/h9K7T86fEM

The Onion top tweets

5-Year-Old Announces Circle No Longer Her Favorite Shape https://t.co/nQfVLTHCei https://t.co/skT7YlWwT1

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Defiant Dallas Police Officer Claims Anyone Could Have Mistaken Black Man’s Apartment For Gun https://t.co/wEsIxvfSq0 https://t.co/nWnGSCJIqb

The Onion top tweets

Open-Minded Man Grimly Realizes How Much Life He's Wasted Listening To Bullshit https://t.co/udhbAqeB25 https://t.co/m2PX6JUCwq

The Onion top tweets

Missed Call From Dad At 9 A.M. Strikes Terror Into Area Man’s Heart https://t.co/SXz6zgLoHV https://t.co/qXoO9e6Zlf

The Onion top tweets

Obama Urges Young Voters To Ignore How Many Lousy Candidates Democratic Party Runs https://t.co/Rabe86z6pE https://t.co/4iqsdcSr4n

The Onion top tweets

Woman Shows Hairstylist Example Of Haircut She Wants https://t.co/r1lyZuoIWT https://t.co/gAhnplY9Uf

The Onion top tweets

Class Is Dismissed https://t.co/gS5EtVCIxa https://t.co/o4FAmjWNhO

The Onion top tweets
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