What The Onion Tweeted On Twitter?

The Onion Latest Tweets On Twitter

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The Onion top tweets

Fast-Talking Computer Hacker Just Has To Break Through Encryption Shield Before Uploading Nano-Virus https://t.co/WiZVixmVYc https://t.co/ritOSc8yQ5

The Onion top tweets

Area Man Lifetime 0 For 6,000 On Jump Hooks https://t.co/LM4b9LFcui https://t.co/Z6s30t0K8j

The Onion top tweets

5 Things To Know About ‘Aladdin’ https://t.co/DCLLYdYCA8


‘Game Of Thrones’ Caps Off Series Finale https://t.co/cSocGZx4U2 #WhatDoYouThink? https://t.co/ZKL4LCGMCD

The Onion top tweets

"This tragedy was a senseless act of freedom perpetrated by a young man who was able to get his hands on freedom without going through any background checks." https://t.co/ROdzukFOTv

NHL Ref Likes It When He Gets To Jump Over Puck https://t.co/rhLMhO3N5U https://t.co/YTRAhUBk5C

The Onion top tweets

Zion Williamson Excited To Play For Team With Proven History Of Frittering Away Generational Talents https://t.co/x0lHmsGmbo https://t.co/AALlF7DWbN

The Onion top tweets

Mom Guesses Dressbarn Closure Means She’ll Just Have To Go Shop With All The Sluts Over At Chico’s Now https://t.co/VqEvJPAqWT https://t.co/6P9CdRY9hi

The Onion top tweets

People Criticizing ‘Anthem’ Don’t Understand The Developer’s Vision Of A Game That Had To Come Out This Past Fiscal Year https://t.co/wpDUqmUmdc https://t.co/uep3CQtL5B

The Onion top tweets

In Focus: HUD Secretary Ben Carson https://t.co/gvNRZFe15b https://t.co/9OjrkksWpl

The Onion top tweets

Trump Demands Investigation Into Whether Clintons Gave Him Non-Registry Wedding Gift In 2005 https://t.co/hZlhxKwFXD https://t.co/KnBMG6dwv8

The Onion top tweets

"The Night King was a very demanding role because all my character did was just sort of stand there, so it’s on you as the actor to sell his emotions and make up for the fact that he had no narrative function." https://t.co/bwZkYv4zyN

Report: Most Americans Can’t Even Name Their State’s Shadow Lord https://t.co/y6oly4BXqT https://t.co/pmRsq3tbvL

The Onion top tweets

Paranoid Duck Convinced CIA Killing Off U.S. Bird Population https://t.co/9LR1cVNdmm https://t.co/H25ZLWPL4V

The Onion top tweets

Struggling Media Company Almost Desperate Enough To Hire Someone Qualified For Job https://t.co/4Me9GIjcwm https://t.co/AjwN8N8eeQ

The Onion top tweets

Heinz Introduces New Quick-Recovery Sports Ketchup https://t.co/3z88wKpqcE https://t.co/WydpMhugFQ

The Onion top tweets

Cory Booker Tries To Relate To Rural Voters By Mangling Hand In Grain Auger https://t.co/SYcsKIomq4 #NSFW https://t.co/WfCYrAJdac

The Onion top tweets

San Francisco Bans Facial Recognition Technology https://t.co/RvF0vi9Iim #WhatDoYouThink? https://t.co/aTv2tWowWa

The Onion top tweets

In Major Blow To Sony’s Upcoming PlayStation 5, Microsoft Announces PlayStation 6 https://t.co/pw4yCMuw4s https://t.co/BVkqi9ZAOG

The Onion top tweets

Nation’s Math Professors Announce Plans To Continue Wearing Chinos With Running Shoes Indefinitely https://t.co/cJ7FhupFL9 https://t.co/sYHPTbBmRy

The Onion top tweets

Chase CEO Giving Commencement Speech Pledges To Double Whole Class’s Student Loan Debt https://t.co/zeBVHA2kXM https://t.co/9QyqoUc5q7

The Onion top tweets

Weary, Cynical Woman Knows Better Than To Bring Tomato Plant Into World Like This https://t.co/ODyo0YZVnZ https://t.co/8fbuFKhH8s

The Onion top tweets

Relationship Experts Still No Closer To Discovering What Scarlett Johansson Sees In Colin Jost https://t.co/33AWX5AzZi https://t.co/NQpfFJIPAv

The Onion top tweets

Report: Imagine How Good It Would Feel To Just Crawl Back Into Bed Right Now https://t.co/pxnurBYfPC https://t.co/8oMb9zfjLs

The Onion top tweets

Sleeping Middle-Aged Businessman In Airport Suddenly So Childlike, So Vulnerable https://t.co/lRVGD4wKkP https://t.co/oyG7jcRzAU

The Onion top tweets

‘Game Of Thrones’ Viewers Reeling After Finale Unexpectedly Kills Off Fan https://t.co/a2Laej6cnD https://t.co/mbtZ33Fo38

The Onion top tweets

Woman Walking Alone At Night Picks Up Pace After Spotting Truck Full Of Alabama Lawmakers Slowly Following Her https://t.co/Clk7YJ3IfB https://t.co/sNaWF3l1WE

The Onion top tweets

Alabama Governor Signs New ‘Heartbeat Bill’ Lowering State’s Age Of Consent https://t.co/5055a285rQ https://t.co/7KNpuy54XI

The Onion top tweets

World Rejoices As Grumpy Cat And Her Shitty Attitude Dead Forever https://t.co/IglD2iiTYw https://t.co/IycG9L4jsD

The Onion top tweets

Bleeding John Bolton Stumbles Into Capitol Building Claiming That Iran Shot Him https://t.co/9sZp4qUUnF https://t.co/vHMiYBaNWa

The Onion top tweets

Supposed ‘Game Of Thrones’ Buff Hasn’t Even Finished Books Yet https://t.co/7YFHAtutCu https://t.co/BYByetVIwJ

The Onion top tweets

‘Game Of Thrones’ Showrunners Disappointed With How Quality Of Fans Has Dropped Off Over Past Couple Seasons https://t.co/viCufUvJ1o https://t.co/faad8Mx4J6

The Onion top tweets

Whale Regrets Eating 290,000 Plastic Poker Chips That Fell Off Container Ship https://t.co/8DuUvrFBHl https://t.co/fktJKeTXwH

The Onion top tweets

PBS Defends ‘Arthur’ Episode Where Mr. Ratburn Reveals He’s The Ultimate Twink Power Bottom https://t.co/08gvu83W1e https://t.co/5rFkiFLjSP

The Onion top tweets

Empty Wall Behind Couch Falls Into Girlfriend’s Crosshairs https://t.co/v25SQ69Ros https://t.co/iFuKAjz5ja

The Onion top tweets

Abused 12-Year-Old Alabama Girl Doesn’t Think She Can Handle Being A Mom On Top Of Everything Else https://t.co/MWEN3o6kDj https://t.co/fXqASE3j7F

The Onion top tweets

Dave & Buster’s Opens New Fine Dining, Gaming Outpost David & Benedict’s https://t.co/ZwjcgA5SIc https://t.co/VdNG9Vma6Z

The Onion top tweets

Deutsche Bank Begins Removing Possessions From White House After Trump Defaults On Loan https://t.co/N4Plm5GWxP https://t.co/27JOCnXYlu

The Onion top tweets

Korean Pop Group BTS Shakes Up Lineup By Adding Really Old Guy https://t.co/7yeuw2jlLr https://t.co/hyY9jS0SxL

The Onion top tweets

Inslee Releases $9 Trillion Climate Plan https://t.co/kZzExHwxBQ #WhatDoYouThink? https://t.co/tVoPVWZX4K

The Onion top tweets

Trump Reassures Struggling Farmers He Has Never Seen One Of Them And Cannot Be Sure They Even Exist https://t.co/DNIwhNEQFW https://t.co/VTWFZoZvY5

The Onion top tweets

Whippoorwill Has Had Same 3-Note Song Stuck In Head For Entire Life https://t.co/FIvhPQPBfU https://t.co/B428UE7yGI

The Onion top tweets

For more world-renowned reportage, visit https://t.co/csf5QUbhed. https://t.co/gUU3mHhOAU

The Onion top tweets

Parents Assure Scared Child There’s No Such Thing As Skip Bayless https://t.co/JEOtxf9Z78 https://t.co/t2Wc3SBXO3

The Onion top tweets

"Help, help, I’ve just been attacked by a large Middle Eastern country around 636,000 square miles in size." https://t.co/WCgZ5IpFUH

Monaco Teen Doesn’t Want To Fall Into Townie Life Of Being Billionaire Race-Car-Driving Playboy https://t.co/70lB6vanmq https://t.co/lTLEFuAZUk

The Onion top tweets

OPR’s David Pascall returns to take on the long arm of the law, but does it have any other body parts? Find out today. A Very Fatal Murder Season 2 is available now only on Luminary. https://t.co/oR3YnoR2qs https://t.co/ur2FA7aGW9

The Onion top tweets

Best Part Is Going Through Hoop, Reports Basketball https://t.co/cKDxNUdYic https://t.co/XejPjvUi3q

The Onion top tweets

"At this point, our viewers have become a tired cliché. It’s hard to watch them lose everything that made us love them in the first place. Nothing they do makes any sense anymore, and it just seems like they want the show to be over with as quickly as possible." https://t.co/ugvZAcmm4y

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