What The Onion Tweeted On Twitter?

The Onion Latest Tweets On Twitter

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Impact Of Global Insect Decline https://t.co/0mQxSp5r0l


Nation Demands NASA Stop Holding Press Conferences Until They Discover Some Little Alien Guys https://t.co/RPAZtwDUtA https://t.co/uhDEreJStd

The Onion top tweets

"Look how miserable they are, playing on their phones and sitting in awkward silence." https://t.co/2l0jjaJBLL

Nurse Reminds Elderly Man She’s Just Down The Hall If He Starts To Die https://t.co/RQT4ePTyhw https://t.co/PUGOMPjVp3

The Onion top tweets

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The Onion top tweets

This Week's Editorial Cartoon: "Taco Hell" https://t.co/FgXgNDJ07L https://t.co/bw1mGOw3JT

The Onion top tweets

‘That First Date Is Going Terribly,’ Think Diners Watching Couple Celebrate 5th Anniversary https://t.co/rBXEQssoTw https://t.co/eflBW3HlD1

The Onion top tweets

Death Of Sailor In Iconic VJ-Day Photo Reminds Americans Of Halcyon Days When Wars Still Ended https://t.co/EpXJ29jlIo https://t.co/uUjqS3mHMU

The Onion top tweets

Karl Lagerfeld Horrified By Uninspired, Garish Tunnel Of Light Coming Toward Him https://t.co/pbaijtgp9k https://t.co/q9E5Fm3D3i

The Onion top tweets

National News Highlights https://t.co/ySbqezA41y


Narrow Line Of Dirt Not Being Swept Into Dustpan Without A Fight https://t.co/mtkXIb83sn https://t.co/ougqBsh0QL

The Onion top tweets

For more exemplary journalism, visit https://t.co/csf5QUbhed. https://t.co/X3VeAiGLyU

The Onion top tweets

Lethal Injection Least Effective Drugs Man Took While In Prison https://t.co/HJl2Cp0MHc https://t.co/ciVfAIgiG5

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Mattress Store Experiments With Non-Blowout Sale https://t.co/gsjls5UtnI https://t.co/MgxHdfmuSF

The Onion top tweets

‘Aquaman 2’ Announced https://t.co/EQ76wf7BVN #WhatDoYouThink? https://t.co/49iIja8CTL

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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life https://t.co/jT01OGAUjl https://t.co/Lzq6ikF67R

The Onion top tweets

Only News Source Man Trusts Has Logo Of Eyeball In Crosshairs https://t.co/w8sxUyBIX5 https://t.co/0cWKCDNgTA

The Onion top tweets

Man Prowling At Airport Gate Ready To Pounce Like Jungle Cat At First Sign Of Boarding https://t.co/VstzcTJw67 https://t.co/aAergchLPv

The Onion top tweets

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Criticized For Preventing 25,000 New York Evictions https://t.co/vNZXlrsOSo https://t.co/6sqxbK1Bwv

The Onion top tweets

Father Showing Kids ‘Field Of Dreams’ For First Time Unaware Kevin Costner Sparking Son’s Sexual Awakening https://t.co/GawZVGqLK0 https://t.co/1SMJvYS6D6

The Onion top tweets

Authorities Swiftly Announce 1,600 Washington Dairy Cows Found Mutilated, Arranged In Pentagram Killed By Blizzard https://t.co/qgBAg9Tciw https://t.co/HLqkcmC0Mw

The Onion top tweets

Family Mercifully Pulling Plug On Grandfather Unaware They Sending Him Directly To Hell https://t.co/bSNYqtNenE https://t.co/NIHW0lAfT6

The Onion top tweets

God Feeling Down In Dumps After Death Of Grandmother https://t.co/TQiofMOZkJ https://t.co/DvGDExLk96

The Onion top tweets

This Week's Editorial Cartoon: "Heart On" https://t.co/vvin1wfc5W https://t.co/C452vV7eYv

The Onion top tweets

Man Getting Futon All Dolled Up For Craigslist Photo Shoot https://t.co/OJy8e5bj4O https://t.co/ysUaXvkVTM

The Onion top tweets

‘Wait, Mr. Bezos, You Forgot Your Tax Subsidy!’ Says Andrew Cuomo Running Behind Limo https://t.co/8MGgUYQuhK https://t.co/XuUAjEEA3t

The Onion top tweets

Spacecraft Travel From All Over Galaxy To Honor End Of Opportunity Rover’s Life https://t.co/o5122NZZXF https://t.co/PCEocof5RD

The Onion top tweets

"Please trust that this was a very tough decision." https://t.co/pS1OJRzQoN https://t.co/kJZGYyhhvQ

The Onion top tweets

Plan For Future Still Involves Drumming For Lifehouse https://t.co/svr6HBtwbd https://t.co/Prt6SPex3L

The Onion top tweets

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit https://t.co/lp3r9S2a1p https://t.co/38qU3fTwPN

The Onion top tweets

Female Brains More Youthful Than Male Ones https://t.co/zDpBTWHlOT #WhatDoYouThink? https://t.co/shJdp4F3Zx

The Onion top tweets

Parasitic Space Worm Controlling Mark Kelly’s Body Announces Arizona Senate Bid https://t.co/NPWV73i2XL https://t.co/zx7IerjJ0L

The Onion top tweets

Relationship Reaches Point Where Breaking Up, Getting Married Would Be Equally Huge Hassle https://t.co/yGCdthRCnR https://t.co/vvyNFo0Usi

The Onion top tweets

Wedding Guest In Suspenders, Bow Tie Unafraid To Take Dance Floor https://t.co/XHlqTZJ9W8 https://t.co/iUEpWPN78y

The Onion top tweets

Date Invites Woman Upstairs To Check Out Red Flags https://t.co/ODfiMRlst1 https://t.co/Bj15YxC910

The Onion top tweets

National News Highlights https://t.co/tX2wdKvY4N


Weird Porno Stops At Kissing https://t.co/O6wNWmMd7X https://t.co/SdZd7M1VzQ

The Onion top tweets

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Criticized For Preventing 25,000 New York Evictions https://t.co/d9CroSmJpR https://t.co/3uaR0dX7jk

The Onion top tweets

Pros And Cons Of Salary Transparency https://t.co/v374KZzSMT https://t.co/plTkKhzjwa

The Onion top tweets

Tumor-Covered Chester Cheetah Apologizes For Role In Marketing Dangerously Cheesy Cheetos To Children https://t.co/uvxjFu8LWa https://t.co/810GuSBTkN

The Onion top tweets

NYPD Deploys New Line Of Plain Clothes Cop Cars https://t.co/LxvOdrBsqE https://t.co/5KPIYXiwW5

The Onion top tweets

Report: Everyone You’ve Ever Had A Crush On Secretly Had A Crush On You, They Still Do, And They’re Waiting For You https://t.co/Y2zRmoOawj https://t.co/gu6bvqXeWE

The Onion top tweets

Visit https://t.co/csf5QUbhed to see more from the standard bearer of global journalism. https://t.co/0WmDCDViZo

The Onion top tweets

Teddy Bear Feels Terrible For Sparking ‘What Are We?’ Conversation https://t.co/RSlDMEKk6k https://t.co/qOaBMz4pIx

The Onion top tweets

National News Highlights https://t.co/g4bkVuE3D4


Shuddering Astrid Menks Comes Home To Trail Of Rose Petals Leading To Nude, Spread-Eagle Warren Buffett https://t.co/7qiWgHgf5g https://t.co/sQHWidbNzT

The Onion top tweets

"Aw, Christ, not again." https://t.co/NN1Yeji1T1

‘Wait, Mr. Bezos, You Forgot Your Tax Subsidy!’ Says Andrew Cuomo Running Behind Limo https://t.co/RFqlThoBk5 https://t.co/NCCQ16dACR

The Onion top tweets

Nation Celebrates Valentine's Day https://t.co/xEubyACFqy #WhatDoYouThink? https://t.co/FBOBe0gDdR

The Onion top tweets

PetSmart Introduces Heart-Shaped Puppy For Valentine’s Day https://t.co/LsV4GHsHZ2 https://t.co/xHoafu4yZd

The Onion top tweets
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