Dear Supreme Court, *Hug*
Somewhere on a highway near Surat, is a very wise man, on the back of a bike. So cool! https://t.co/BLV9JBEA26
First show in Vapi ever last night. Wasn't expecting this. Didn't think anyone there would know who I was 😀 This #BoardingDAS is a trip. https://t.co/EP66jaCEwE
Comedians: Tu toh Bollywood hai. Bollywood: Tu toh comedian hai. Musicians: Tu toh comedian aur Bollywood hai. Extended Family: exactly what is it you do for a living? Me: 😐
Sir. Kharide nahin. Sexual favours se mile Hain. Bahut stamina hai. Aap bhi try karo. Do ya teen followers to mil hi jayenge aapko......char saal me 😀 https://t.co/0OdteZl3ha
Is it weird that I think skydiving is safer than bunjee jumping or any of those canyon zip lines?
I don't know who the interior decorator for this hotel was...but they seem to like Instagram. https://t.co/KC82dFr2HR
My Green room has a sign on the Door. I want to be clear Vapi, I'm just telling jokes tonight. Nothing else. https://t.co/BAafMDfSHi
Guys. Surat and Vadodara sold out! Tickets are left for Ahmedabad if you wanna make the drive 🤗 #BoardingDAS
I'm going to Vapi today. Yup. Things to do?
Gotta say. The drive from Mumbai to Vapi....gorgeous.
Lounge in Goa airport. Literally everyone here is having french fries. This means one of two things. Either they make awesome french fries. Or people have tried other food....and decided you can't mess up french fries.
The next time you want a photo... Do ask and I will gladly take one 🙂 This is kinda sneaky. https://t.co/lDrZJqBYgk
So this happened on my flight back from Goa, and I thought it was pretty cool :-) https://t.co/J8RTEAdePt
Waiting for America to set the same behavioral standards for men in the White House as they do for men in Hollywood.
Nothing makes you feel quite as dishonest as flying to Goa in the afternoon for work. Impostor Trying to blend in with happy vacationers.
While we tweet about #timesup Humble reminder to India that a cash reward was offered by men for the beheading of a working actress. Some of these men were elected. Aired by news channels. Printed in papers. These men were interviewed. Backyard needs a little attention too
I'm in my thirties and the biggest item I've never managed to tick off the bucket list is watching the Republic Day parade live. I've always wanted to. I'm not sure what the visibility in Delhi will be like by the time I actually manage to 😐
Took a 2.30am flight. Got to Mumbai by dawnish. Dog has been fed, bathed, walked and is now looking at me like "go the fuck to sleep and leave me alone bro".
Do yourself a favor and watch the Obama Letterman interview on @netflix Fascinating!
Chennai! That was mad fun! I know we had some Journos in the audience today. Humble request. Please try not to mention the punchlines if you're covering the show guys. It's all new material so... Thanks :-)
Delhi! Yall know i'm a Delhi boy..and i'm coming home with my brand new show #BoardingDAS. I perform at IG Stadium on feb 11th! Thought i would give you a taste from Hyderabad :-) Tickets for #BoardingDAS in Delhi here: https://t.co/c7k0IHxrXC…/boarding-das-tour-by…/ET00066097 https://t.co/FLOpGX6njT
Today was a rough day where nothing went according to plan in spectacular fashion. Ended it with a great show in Chennai....2.30am flight back to Mumbai, where I was at 3pm even though I woke up in Hyderabad at 6am. I think i've earned this key lime pie :-)
Hyderabad. There's over two thousand people coming for the show tonight. Show is at 8. No opening act. Starts on time. Please arrive early so you don't miss my bit about Putin's sex toys. 😊
Dear Twitter, Once and for all. Comedians aren't getting paid lots and lots of money to joke about politicians. Politicians are getting paid lots and lots of money to do things comedians joke about.
Vapi! I'm headed your way next wed. Here's a message for you from Kochi! Tickets on bookmyshow. #BoardingDAS https://t.co/WBEgYtVxhO
People keep asking where the Indian comedy scene began....for me...that was it. The first time I saw @TVSanjeev and gang on TV...I learned it was cool for brown people to be edgy and funny. https://t.co/CsxQD8iPtK
I never wanna be someone who calls other people wannabe's.
Roses are white, Violets are white, Donald Trump is a racist, Who thinks we are shite. #ShitholePoetry
Trump thinks the rest of the world is a shithole. If that's the case....here's the important question: Who is the one taking a dump on it?
There are many many people that are brilliant artists in #Kaalakaandi helmed by Akshat who is a true genius. Cant wait to see it very soon. Go catch it guys!
Dear Crowne Plaza Kochi, as someone who misses his bulldog when he's on tour....this is incredibly sweet 😊 https://t.co/vHgECt0SxA
Anyone know where Darkest Hour is available online? Non pirated 🙂
A supremely courageous court.
The most popular question I ever get at airports is "Why are you travelling alone?" Answer is simple: I can carry my own bag and if I did the image/Entourage thing, I wouldn't meet you. And if I didn't meet you, what the hell am I going to write about? Body guards and lounges?
My favourite thing in airports is watching entitled suited Indian uncles try to skip lines and look genuinely shocked when someone calls them out on it. The "I'm an important person from the way I dress" Look on their faces. We are a country of VIPs. The I is for indulgent.